I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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