i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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