I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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