I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
