"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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