Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drake has all the answers
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
