i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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