if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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