Sponge bath it is.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
