You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
