The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
