K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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