Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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