Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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