sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
