It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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