I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
