Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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