we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize