I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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