This is not my ceiling
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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