he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
