What a fucking waste of an outfit
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
