This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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