In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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