I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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