I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
