you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
