so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
