Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
