I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
