my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize