if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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