Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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