Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
