i think i have herpe
just one?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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