Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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