it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?