we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
