I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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