We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
