Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
