i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
