he wants to bone in the snuggie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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