Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
