3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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