So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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