the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
