I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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