I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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