When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
