I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
