And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
