i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They took my balls.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
