im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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