I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
