Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
