I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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