Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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