Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
