Where did you get a picture of my penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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