My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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