my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In America we eat man semen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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