Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
