i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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