party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
