if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
