I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
