call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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