lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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