You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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